Breathing Space & More...

As I sit and stew about where my life is going and how I will get there and what will I do next and what decision is the best and on and on and on....  I am reminded that each day I am growing toward the light.  Even when I don't feel it or see it, there is something pulling me forward.  Growing me. When life gets overwhelming or I am impatient or unsure.  I will remember this and take a deep breath.  Being so concerned with tomorrow makes it hard to enjoy the simplicity of today.   No one has experienced that things that I have and no one thinks of things the way that I do.  I will find the little niche that brings out the best of me.  What God intends my spirit to express.  What God is drawing me to.  Ready to shine. As you carry out your daily routines are you able to feel the pull and stretch of growth inside yourself?

Today I am thinking about how hard it is for me to state commitments.... Whenever I am asked questions like, "What's music do you like?  What is your favorite movie or book?"  I don't have an answer. What is it???  Truly.  What is behind this indecision? Maybe... I am afraid to state a commitment because I have never cared enough to decide. I am afraid to state a commitment because I might have an awkward moment if someone else doesn't like it. I am afraid to state a commitment because I might be judged. I am afraid to state a commitment because it might be wrong in someone else's eyes. I am afraid to state a commitment because someone will make fun of me. I am afraid to state a commitment because I will have to support the decision. I am afraid to state a commitment because it shows my vulnerability. I am afraid to state a commitment because someone might pigeonhole me. I guess what keeps coming up is judgment!!! I am going to go...

I have always noticed dragonflies Up North.  We were overjoyed to see them scooting back and forth through the trees, as we relied on their mosquito hunting skills to keep us sane in the evenings.  They would land on the boat or our pole while we were out on the lake. In Guatemala, a dragonfly landed on me while we were engaged in some quiet moments of concentration.  I didn't even notice it.  Later, someone mentioned it and said that I was blessed by the dragonfly.  I came home and considered them, but didn't think too hard about it.  I have never attached myself to a totem. So it surprised me when dragonflies made another prominent appearance last summer at the cabin.  I started to see them in a new way.  I began to notice the details of their coloring and unique iridescence of their bodies.  I marveled in their little shapes and once again was reminded of the miracles of nature.  I came home and started to look up the symbol of a dr...

"Something in our very fiber knows where the light is." M. Nepo My reading today reminded me to watch buds, shoots, plants, as they stretch and grow this spring and be aware of their relationship to the light above and the dark below. Imagine it as a mirror of something in me about to break ground. I became a bit confused about the light and dark and the spirit and inwardness that he was talking about.  It all seemed mysterious.  But what I am planning to ponder today, beyond my amazement in the new growth and green that I have so missed this winter, is the idea of our inward contemplation and our heart's desire.  Our spirit is drawing us to the light and the ease of life-our calling, our passion, our easy place.  And our inwardness can keep us grounded and secure as we start to shoot up toward our desires.  Our dark keeps us steady, but can only take us so far.  It needs light to expand and root even further.  Courage, strength, and deter...

So what is the fear behind taking the steps to dabble?  Tonight Mary challenged me with the idea that the fear is because "you don't want to make a mistake!" So look that in the face... No.  I don't want to make a mistake.  I don't want to be a fraud.  I don't want to take a risk and I guess I also am afraid I might really have fun and man...  what would happen then???  Would the world around me fall apart? Look it in the face and see that my biggest regret would be to let time go by and not take a chance on something that is calling me.  Something that I am yearning for. Adventure doesn't have to mean a trip.  Adventure can be diving into something exciting and new. Dabbling is a way to get a little taste of things.  Things that might evolve, fall away, or lead to the next step. Fear is there and I am going to look it in the face and then start the steady climb toward freedom and release. I want to be a tool, I want to use my talents,...