Breathing Space & More...

I have been thinking about all of the old tapes/voices that run through my head.  Of course there are positive voices, but there is also a sabotaging line of thoughts that I sometimes don't even realize are there.  When I do hear them, the tapes are like a nasty, two-faced, elementary school kid who zings me with a cutting look or sarcastic comment as I go to do something that might involve a risk.  The voices whisper words that make me shrink when I am in a group and contribute to the conversation. I can envision a gargoyle sitting on high.  Judging. There is always the good ol' "Who do you think you are?" or "What will people think?" or "Be sure to fit in."  The voices from years of observing and being acutely aware of the interactions between people and what I perceive their effects to be.  The voices that trick me into thinking they are actually coming from me, keeping me safe, but aren't at all who I am. This month, I was challe...

Today I couldn't decide how to use my day.  What should I do first? My list of "to-dos" was long and eating at me, but I couldn't seem to figure out what to do or how to make any dents in those projects. What could I do so that I could feel like I was making some progress?  How could I get rid of the self-doubt and the feeling that the path was uncertain?  Nothing was clear and fear had crept in. So, I gave up and started to organize.  I cleared the clutter.  I sorted through the old.  I tossed and recycled.  I reminisced and remembered.  I made new lists.  I created new systems and made space. I gained strength.  I gained perspective.  I gained confidence. I am again and again reminded that to move forward we need to clear the clutter of the past.  Clear the heaviness, clear the old thoughts & patterns, clear the way for new ideas and growth. I read recently that doing inner work is like window washing.  We are ...

My husband reminds me that as my sister gave her toast on my wedding night, she mentioned that I was one on the most spiritual people that she knew.  I guess that part of the speech didn't really stick with me because I don't know if I understood what the word "spiritual" meant to me. I might have thought she was saying, "she's such a good Catholic girl," because at that time, I was a very diligent church-goer.  I had sang in the church choir.  I said my prayers.  I had learned some valuable ways to find stillness and peace because of the religious rituals of the church.  But...  was I spiritual? Yes, I think I was.  I think I now realize that all of the journaling, quiet walks, and time for reflection that I needed, were a part of my spiritual ritual/life.  Now, I am finding that I don't turn to the religious rituals that I used to think were so important in keeping me grounded and centered.  I have found many more ways to live out my fait...