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Countercultural



These past weeks I keep running into the same themes in my conversations and in what I read.   It is the notion that our culture wants us to believe that there is a "perfect recipe" for parenting and how much trouble this creates when you look at the reality of life.
The idea that there is a "right" way to parent is something that I struggle with as I raise my two kids.  The pressure to keep it all together and produce well-rounded, successful, polite, obedient children is enormous in our culture!
Before they were even born I was reading about their development and making sure that I had all the necessary supplies.  Then I was reading to see what the experts said about schedules, sleeping, tantruming, potty training.  Now I am reading about puberty and sibling rivalry.  Parenting is a never-ending job and society's pressure often makes it hard to enjoy the ride.
The ride involves patience and persistence, goal-setting and vision.  It involves connection and honesty, playfulness and forgiveness.  Parenting gets hard when I feel like I am alone in this thing;  when I think that my child must be the only kid to do that crazy thing that is driving me insane;  when I put on a brave face instead of asking for help or sharing with someone that I am struggling; when I don't take time to recharge my battery.
This culture wants me to believe that I can juggle it all and should be able to have my kids in every activity and event and I should do it with a smile on my face!  I should run them and schedule them.  They need to be busy and stimulated and I should give up my life to make sure all of this happens.
I don't really buy it!
I can easily fall into this trap, but I know in my heart that this isn't what my kids need.  I am realizing more and more that in order for my family to enjoy each other and be happy we need less running, scheduling, and activity.  When we take time to be together and go slow, we get along better.  When our life gets too busy, then we aren't able to listen to each other, share our hopes and dreams, make plans, and work as a team.
But... sometimes slowing down is scary.  The kids aren't quite sure how to direct their day; it feels hard to make decisions because there is time and a lot of possibilities.  The day can feel overwhelming instead of restful and easy.  It's uncomfortable to go against the norm.  Questions start to come, "What do I do first?"  "What do I actually like to spend time on?" "Do I just need a nap or do I have to have something to show for my day?"
Going against the grain is hard.
I first learned about the term "countercultural" in an ECFE class years ago.  Our instructor pushed us to think about what our dreams for our children were and reminded us that sometimes keeping that dream in mind will mean going against the cultural norms.  I haven't forgotten that wisdom.   It's hard to let go of the cultural conditioning around busyness and to let life unfold as it will, but it seems imperative.  In order to bring more peace, love, and playfulness into our family life, I have to be committed to our family goals, not society's.
My recipe for parenting continues to evolve as I learn more about my children and myself.  As my confidence and vision increases, parenting becomes more about listening to my inner voice even if that means I need to be countercultural at times.

How do you feel when you make a choice that might go against the grain?  
Are you able to leave judgment and guilt behind?





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