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Trying something new



I started a painting class.
I am starting to paint.
Yes!
And Yikes?!?!
It has been something that I have felt called to learn more about, so I signed up for a very general class that welcomed beginners.  The first day, I found myself surrounded by a talented, patient teacher, three very senior-aged women, and a teenager.  It was an interesting bunch and I wasn't really sure what I was in for.  The teacher joked that the highlight of coffee and snacks would be coming in an hour, so, if nothing else, I could enjoy a treat.
I wasn't prepared.  I didn't have any tools with, but the teacher was so gracious and soon I was spreading water all over the paper and starting to stain with red, yellow, and blue.  The older crowd diligently worked on their projects as us "young folks" were given lessons in watercolor and pencil.
I was inspired by the work of the women.  I wanted to learn more about their lives and where in their journey they had picked up painting.  One woman loves to sketch and paint scenes of animals that she finds in nature magazines.  She was working on two amazing horses.
I felt inferior as I just splotched the paper with my three colors.  My page wasn't pretty.  It was wet and bright and didn't feel like me.  Eventually, I added leaf outlines and things started to feel more comfortable, but I found myself judging my work.  I had to remind myself that the intention that I came to class with was to "play around" with paint.  This intention hadn't changed, so why was I feeling that my work had to be perfect after an hour and a half?
I remembered the words that I had put in my journal this summer from The Artist's Way.  "An act of art needs time to mature. Never, ever judge a fledgling piece of work too quickly,"  And another, "The creative process is a process of surrender, not control."  I signed up for the class because control is my default and surrender is SCARY for me, yet it is exactly what I have to practice and get comfortable with it, one step at a time, one simple piece of art at a time.
At the end of class we each held up our work to share with the others.  I felt a twinge of embarrassment as I held up my attempt to watercolor, but then the woman across the room, the artist with the beautiful horse painting said, "You know what that looks like?  Fun."
There you have it.
That will be my reminder.  That is why I signed up for the class and that moment is going to keep me painting even when I start to look at things with a critic's eye.  It's all for fun.

Have you found yourself using a critic's eye when you try something new?  
Next time, see if you can watch for it, stop yourself & smile, and then see if whatever you are doing becomes more fun.


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